Rape Avoidance & Prevention

There are literally hundreds of lists like this one. None of them is completely foolproof and many are misleading in at least two ways. First, real rape prevention consists of teaching potential rapists to choose NOT to rape, rather than teaching potential victims how to avoid a rapist's choice. Focusing on potential victims implies their responsibility. Rape is the rapist's choice, not the victim's. No matter what someone does or does not do, rape is never the victim's fault. No one asks for it or deserves it.

Second, most prevention lists assume that the attacker is a stranger. In fact, 4 out of 5 rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. This list discusses things one can do to try to avoid rape by acquaintances as well as strangers.

At All Times:

Know Your Rights - You have the right to feel good about yourself, to control your own body, to initiate or to refuse sexual activity, to set limits on "how far you will go", to say NO at any time, and to change your mind.

Trust Your Feelings - If you feel uncomfortable or your intuition tells you something is wrong, then trust that feeling or intuition and do whatever you need to do to feel safe again. Get out of the situation, no matter how foolish you think you may appear. Chances are your intuition is right, and if it's wrong, so what? Pay attention to your "little voice" and "vibes".

Stay Alert and Aware - Know where you are, where you are going, who is ahead of you and behind you. Briefly look others in the eye and let them know you know they are there. Pay attention to odd behavior.

Communicate Assertively - Know what you want. Tell people, in no uncertain terms, how you are feeling. When you say NO, mean it, and when you say yes, know what it is you are agreeing to. Walk confidently and purposefully, and even if you are lost, look like you know exactly where you are going.

Remain in Control - Stay sober. If you like to drink, drink in moderation. Pay for your own way on early dates so there are no unstated "obligations". Go only to places you know, always have a ride home and enough money for a cab or a phone call. Set up a buddy system with someone you know.

Take a Practical Self-Defense Class - You don't need a black belt in karate to defend yourself effectively. If you carry a weapon, be trained in its use and realize that it is often out-of-reach and could be used against you. Classes in punching and kicking can empower anyone to feel stronger. Many groups offer inexpensive classes periodically.

Follow Common Sense Prevention Lists - Although they can be misleading, they also have some good basic tips on how to avoid assault.

When Confronted by an Attacker:

Stay Calm - Although difficult, try not to give in to panic, but rather to remain calm, in control and assertive as possible. Quickly check out your situation (how dangerous, where is nearest help, etc.).

Try to Escape - The two most effective methods of escape are to yell and run. When you have chosen a method for escape, DO IT, and have an alternative plan in mind. If there is a weapon involved, you may want to bide your time, but never give up looking for a chance to escape. Don't worry about what others think, or about embarrassing yourself. Demand help from anyone nearby.

Resist Immediately - If you need to resist physically, do so decisively and quickly and then escape. The goal of any physical self-defense is to buy a chance to escape by temporarily incapacitating the attacker. Most resources say don't quarrel with an attacker, try not to cry or reason, but simply chat.

Take Mental Notes - Realize that giving in is not consent. Sometimes victims cannot escape an attacker; your priority then becomes to survive and not to let the attacker's crime go unpunished. Take mental notes on everything that happens. Get some of the attacker's clothing and leave something of yours in the place where you are attacked.

Following the Attack:

Get to a safe place.
Call the police, the Rape Crisis Center's 24-hour hotline at (216) 619-6192 or a friend to be with you.
Your first desire will be to clean yourself. Don't! Don't wash your hands, shower, or douche, brush your hair, change your clothes or move anything until you have made some other important decisions.
Go to the hospital. You will be tested for injury, pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. and evidence will be collected. Police will transport if you don't have your own transportation. Take a change of clothes because yours will be needed as evidence.

Don't Blame Yourself - If you were sexually assaulted, nothing you did or didn't do puts you at fault. The only person responsible is the person who forced or coerced you into sexual activity. They could have chosen otherwise.

Talk to Someone - Although you may think you are fine, it is important to talk about what happened and to get some counseling from a professional. Take some time off to recover from the attack. But don't let it take control of your life. You have the right to heal and to recover from the attack.

Report the Crime - Most rapists are repeat offenders. By reporting the crime and cooperating with the police, you may prevent others from being attacked. Furthermore, doing something - anything - can help you feel in control once more.